Santa Claus’s Transition

Originally, this story was going to be based on modern day times. In keeping with the latest trends, Santa Claus’s transition was going to look something like the following:

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As a traditionalist, I decided to avoid such controversy and to instead reveal the “TRUE STORY” of Santa’s health and weight transition.

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Santa Claus, like most of us, wasn’t born an obese man. Santa (originally known as St. Nicholas) was born around 280A.D. in Patara, Turkey. Early pictures of Santa were rare, but the picture above was found revealing a well nourished,Β  healthy young man (in relative years) full of vim, vigor and vitality without any health or weight management issues.

santa-claus-pics-0415It wasn’t until the 1930’s when Santa was introduced to Coca Cola. Coincidentally, this is when his health and weight problems began. The Coca Cola company deceived Old Santa by convincing him that sugar produced a quality source of “necessary” energy that would help him achieve his mission to provide children all over the world with gifts. Since Santa was born in 280A.D. he began to realize his energy levels had diminished over the years. For that matter, his testosterone levels had likely slipped a notch or two as well, (but that is for another story!)

It wasn’t long before Santa began experiencing grey skin pallor, left arm pain and numbness, sweating, nausea, shortness of breath, increased frequency of urination, increased thirst, cuts that weren’t healing, increased fatigue and blurred vision. These symptoms began interfering with his ability to perform his job. Santa (LIKE MOST OF US) needed serious SYMPTOMS before taking steps to address his problems. After finding Santa unconscious on the floor with a cookie in one hand and a candy cane in the other, Mrs. Claus called my office on February 3, 2014 for evaluation. After completing a thorough exam and lab work, it was my sad responsibility to tell Santa he was suffering a combination of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes and obesity. I explained to him, “the health and weight problems took almost 84 years to REVEAL THEMSELVES and would require sufficient TIME and PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY to correct.”

Naturally, the dietary changes were the hardest to correct. Families all over the world sabotaged my recommendations by placing cookies (containing high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, artificial dyes and chemical preservatives) and milk (full of antibiotics, hormones, indigestible sugars and pesticides) near their chimney for Santa to EAT! It was just too tempting to resist.

Santa, like most people, complained of limited time to exercise as well. Instead of CREATING time, Santa chose to pass the time in a sedentary manner sitting in the sleigh (nearly motionless) while the reindeer’s worked voraciously to make the annual journey.

I gave Santa two options:

  1. Continue at this pace and suffer the LONG TERM health consequences while disappointing the children all over the world from receiving their gifts.

  2. Begin a REALISTIC NUTRITION and EXERCISE program to correct the ROOT CAUSES of these health problems while achieving a healthy reduced weight (as an END RESULT of this new LIFESTYLE!)

Santa chose to comply with my recommendations. He began with a running program 3X/week. Over the course of 12 weeks, Santa’s stamina improved so much he decided to compete in his first marathon.

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As you can see, Santa finished in FIRST PLACE. I’m not convinced, however, the other runners didn’t “throw the race” concerned about the possibility of retribution and the forfeiture of future Christmas presents.

When Santa came back to my office for his follow up visit, he shared concerns about his physical appearance with so much skin hanging from his new healthier body. I asked him about his weight lifting program. His response was, “what weight lifting program; all I’ve been doing is running?”

After making a few phone calls, I set Santa up with a personal trainer known for training the great names in body building. About 12 weeks later, Santa sent me a picture taken at the gym.

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After correcting Santa’s nutrition and exercise deficiencies, I saw a new problem developing. Santa was into STEROIDS! This would only complicate his original health issues. It wasn’t easy convincing him to back off these ILLEGALLY supplied DRUGS! His attitude changed from “JOLLY” to “ABRASIVE” during this 12 week transition. It was obvious that professional therapy was now indicated. I passed Santa’s name to a counselor friend of mine to address (once again) more ROOT ISSUES!

Today, I am glad to reveal the good news that Santa’s most recent exam is clear of ALL passed cardiac and diabetic findings. His new healthier weight has dropped his body mass index (BMI) from >40 (morbidly obese) to 23 (normal.) He has even reduced his blood pressure, resting pulse and has an excellent cholesterol panel. He has reduced some size, (no longer on steroids,) but has maintained a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE which should provide him several thousand more years to deliver toys to children (and adults) worldwide. For those of you concerned about me releasing Santa’s medical information, I have been given written consent by Santa to share this with all of you. Just yesterday Santa sent me his most recent picture:

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I hope Santa provides all of you the incentive to follow a healthier LIFESTYLE to enjoy the quality of life you choose to live. May the holiday season bring all the joy, GOOD HEALTH and happiness possible to each and every one of you.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE TRUTHFUL AND FACTUAL STORY OF SANTA’S HEALTH AND WEIGHT TRANSITION!

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31 comments

  1. So glad Santa has gotten on the right track! I have GOT to stop leaving out cookies on Christmas night. πŸ™‚

    The path to poor health can be so insidious with small habits adding up quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It seemed like the right time to write with humor that contained an underlying MEANINGFUL message. Thank you for sharing in the humor as well as adding your own impression regarding “poor health can be so insidious with small habits adding up quickly.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m old-fashioned. I still like Coca Cola Santa Claus. πŸŽ„

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t blame you. That face and attitude just makes you smile. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I so agree! lol πŸ“

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post. Good food for thought! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good fun in combining humor with some underlying truth. Glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

      1. I did! It was informative and fun in equal measure.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t know how you think of these things. In a million years, I never would have thought to use Santa Claus as a metaphor for healthy eating and lifestyle. Very creative!🎨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Creativity is NOT my forte. Gentle PERSISTENCE (with good intentions) is more my style. I decided, however, to extend myself into the world of “creative writing (certainly outside my comfort zone) using a mix of HUMOR and subliminal messaging (although using bold lettering and underlining the bold words probably reduces the subliminal affect πŸ™‚ .) I saw so many holiday writings, I decided to join the celebration. I’m glad you had a chance to experience a little bit of my personality in the process. As you probably know, my goal is to get as many people as possible to understand the relationship between GOOD HEALTH and the opportunity for QUALITY LIVING. I approach my topics from various angles to attract different types of people and different types of thinking. I am less interested in “winning people over” and more interested in being sure they simply understand my message. What they choose to do with it is entirely up to them. I respect everyone’s decision to live the life they choose as long as it doesn’t (directly) negatively impact the life of another person.
      Thank you again for taking your time to read about the PASSION I live everyday. It means the world to me. Thank you, as well, for contributing your good, kind heart to the work you do. Your patients (and your family) are the beneficiaries of your caring. May the joys of Hanukkah be experienced by your family and the families of those around the world!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And to you and yours! I thought what you wrote was ingenious and very creative. Comparing how Santa Claus has increased in size and all the permutations of how lifestyle affects on physically was a riot!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I had to chuckle at this post, even knowing and understanding the seriousness of it. Thank you for this. If I don’t get to chat to you before Christmas, Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you, your wife and Tucker.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was written to be “chuckled” at!! Although I decided to include a subliminal message with a serious undertone, it was meant to “crack a smile” on people’s faces. Glad you experienced my sense of humor. πŸ™‚
      Wishing you and your family (from the THREE of us) a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Doc this was incredibly clever! Plenty of giggles and gentle reminders of the influence we bring and the sabotage we enable for ourselves & others! Thank you for the merry reminder sprinkled with giggles. (Luckily those work well on the abs!!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just wanted to see if humor mixed with a small amount of subliminal messaging would create a fun read for everyone. Glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Very entertaining read! Glad you got Santa back on the right track, although his I must say his last picture may be setting unrealistic expectations for the centenarian set! Happy holidays to you and your family Doc!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad to see you had some fun with it! In reality, people don’t have to aspire to look like the “current” Santa. They need to aspire to be as healthy and functional as necessary to enjoy the quality of life they choose. People never have to compare themselves with others unless it helps them achieve their desired place.
      Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season as well.

      Like

  8. Wow, Santa! An inspiration to us all! (Though it would have been quite interesting if Santa had turned into the picture at the top – definitely more unexpected!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The surgical intervention would have likely been simpler than the effort necessary to look like the β€œfinal” Santa!
      Wishing you and your family a very healthy and happy holiday season!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And to you and yours as well!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. The Twentysomething Social Recluse · · Reply

    I am feeling very inspired by Santa’s transformation haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Even I have to include humor every now and then. I couldn’t resist, however, to include my subliminal message about HEALTH! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The Twentysomething Social Recluse · · Reply

        Humour and health are both very important so I can see why! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  10. hahhahaa! This was a great post Jonathan! ‘For that matter, his testosterone levels had likely slipped a notch or two as well, (but that is for another story!)’ hahhaa!! Busted out laughing at that one! The whole thing was funny! oh and informational of course πŸ™‚ Merry Christmas to you and yours I hope you have a wonderful holiday! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad you enjoyed my attempt at HUMOR during the holiday season!

      Hope your had a wonderful Christmas as well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I did thank you! And your attempt cracked me up!! 😊

        Like

  11. Welcome to my crazy sense of humor. I just couldn’t resist including a little subliminal “good health” message squeezed between the humor.
    The holidays are almost here. Wishing you all the good health and happiness possible throughout the holidays and the year!

    Like

  12. Coca Cola, huh? It had nothing to do w feasting on cookies and egg nog all night? I love your insight and truthful pinnings on our nation’s obesity. Still it bothers me that this nearly 2000 year old man might beat me in a 5k now… Merry Christmas Doctor!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you appreciated my attempt at humor while sneaking in a little “under the radar” health message.

      Hope you and your family had a very Merry Christmas!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I loved it and I can appreciate your poke in your message.. Happy Holidays.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Very well done Jonathan! Sorry I am a bit late to the party reading this….Merry Christmas and all the best for 2017 for you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

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