Dr. Colter’s Secret PATENTED TOOLS For Guaranteed Weight Loss And Weight Maintenance

418241af-408b-4303-a0c0-dba86c0a7eebMany people have worked hard throughout the year to lose weight. With the holidays upon us I felt compelled to help insure these losses are not impacted by the holiday season.

I am frequently asked for quick methods to achieving weight loss and weight maintenance. Therefore, I have created my newly PATENTED picture program to “lose the weight” and/or “keep the weight off.” I am giving my secrets away FREE for quick weight loss and weight maintenance BEFORE the holidays arrive. I know these methods work and they can work for you too.

1. MUMMIFYING

These step by step instructions help curb even the worst of hormonal cravings. My patented taping method provides just enough room for necessary respiratory function while adding that all secure feeling so many of us desire. Please make certain you find a designated driver for the event you intend on attending. I promise this method will “turn heads!”

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2. THE HEAD WRAP

For those desiring a less conspicuous presentation, I bring you The Head Wrap. This unique material designed to blend with your natural skin tone will allow fluids to penetrate, but prevent all sources of solid foods from entering the body. Those thinking outside the box and willing to puree their foods will have to live with the consequences of stained bandages for the rest of the evening. My time tested, focus group supported Head Wrap will provide you all the confidence needed in any indulging environment.

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  3. THE SUPPORTIVE BRACELET

Who doesn’t like jewelry? We seem to like it even better when the fashion statement it makes is complimented by its functional use for weight loss and weight maintenance. Although silver is the most common seller, we can custom color this lovely item to match any wardrobe of choice. We also offer a convenient one size fits all to reduce your stress (stress increases the hormone Cortisol known to increase weight) and make the event a memorable one.

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This is the first time I am making these PATENTED secrets available to the public. If your holiday gatherings are going to place you in the middle of food hell, come prepared.

Wishing all of you a healthy and happy holiday season (and the opportunity for a unique experience if you take advantage of my PATENTED tools.)

DISCLAIMER: The intent of this posting was to place a SMILE on everyone’s face and NOT to be taken seriously. DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING mentioned in this post other than enjoying your holidays to the max!

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35 comments

  1. Oh-oh. Now, you tell me. I cuffed my wife and I can’t find the key. Nice post Doc.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Handcuffed her, ay? Since your wife is married to a writer, I wouldn’t be surprised if this leads to a minor wardrobe change… am I reading the words on her tee shirt correctly…De..v..il G….ir..l??? Enjoy a romantic holiday season! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha. Yes it will be just me and her. Have a wonderful holiday season with your friends and family.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I needed a laugh. I thought you had gone cuckoo at first 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. If I made you laugh, this article was worth the effort! Laughing is some of the most powerful medicine available. Be well, my friend and enjoy your Christmas season.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Fit n Fine TN · · Reply

    Thanks SO VERY much for the laugh! I certainly needed it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad to fill a void. All of us need to laugh more. It just feels good and we’re entitled to feel good! Stay positive, motivated and on a path to improving health. Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas.

      Like

    1. Hope you enjoyed a break from my typical articles to create a little humor in time for the holidays. Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha!Ha! Can’t take yourself too seriously. I’m with you!🙉🙈🙊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sometimes you just have to lighten up a bit to give people a chance to catch their breath. Also, wanted to prove that the word “Doctor” and the phrase, “sense of humor” could be used in the same sentence! 😀 Hope you didn’t have to work too hard preparing meals for your holidays. Wishing you and your family good health and much happiness as we close out the year.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. Best wishes to you and yours.🎄

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I smiled all the way through….Happy Holidays to you my friend…Santa comes tomorrow night…hope all your stockings are hung…..kat

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad you enjoyed the article. It just seemed like time for a little humor. All prepared for Santa. We are currently baking high protein, high fiber, carob filled cookie like substances with a nice glass of organic (non GMO) soy milk as a “chaser” for Santa’s consumption. Naturally, I will place some probiotics in the soy milk to avoid gastric distress during Santa’s long journey.
      Keep that wonderful smile on your face through this holiday season, because it will bring much joy to the family. Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

      Like

      1. Thanks….and Santa is being taken care very well at your house….I generally leave out carrots and apples for the reindeers since Santa is so well cared for with Cookies and Milk….one year my son made me put out a big bowl of oats for them….LOL….Happy Holidays and your cookies sounds yummy!!!! kat

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I totally laughed out loud. I would have rolled on the floor in hysterical laughter, but my dogs were laying all around me and I’d have to fight for floor space! Since I will be alone for the holidays this year, there won’t be any overeating! I’m not cooking! Hahahaha…But I will be on the treadmill and lifting weights regardless…Happy Christmas to you and your family and best wishes for the coming New Year! Peace, Koko❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes levity is needed to help people relax and view life from a different perspective. Some of my articles challenge conventional thinking and offer atypical solutions. An article like this helps humanize who I am to an audience that has never actually met me. It helps lower any defensive attitudes and reinforces a message of caring through humor. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
      Hope you enjoy the peace and tranquility of personal time you’ve been blessed with this holiday season. I appreciate your incredible talents and your commitment as a role model to your family. Have a very Merry Christmas and a healthy and Happy New Year.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. All your posts reflect how much you care about people! Your time and efforts given freely to others shows that. We all are lucky to have crossed paths with you! May happiness follow you and you family always! Here’s to an amazing 2016! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Lol, very cute! If I didn’t suffer from claustrophobia I’d try the mummifying strategy. Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The mummifying does appear to be the most popular of the three approaches. It also provides a walking form of advertising for me. As people see all these mummies walking around, they think to themselves, “ah, that must be one of Dr. Colter’s patients. 😀

      Keep smiling and enjoy every day to the maximum. Have a very Merry Christmas!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw yes, a walking billboard, brilliant! Merry Christmas to you as well my friend!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I think you need help Doc!
    Brilliant!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. After reading about all the stress and anxiety people were experiencing I thought the best “medicine” would be a little laughter. Hopefully, my form or “medicine” helped! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Indeed it did!! Especially the “Supportive Bracelet”!!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I think mummifying could work! Lmao!! Nice, Dr. J…. you have a wicked sense of humor. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just wanted to contribute a little bit to the upcoming festivities. Hope you enjoy yours.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hey I nominated you for sunshine blogger award. https://designinglife01.wordpress.com/2015/12/26/sunshine-blogger-award/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the nomination. I have found these awards have “put some people off” and no longer want to potentially burden anyone. This is why I no longer participate in these nominations. I want you to know, however, I am truly honored and appreciate the thoughtfulness of this nomination.

      Hope your holiday season has gone well and would like to offer good wishes as we head into 2016.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Happy holidays ☆2016☆

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I will consider a combination of option 2 and 3, but I am far too claustrophobic for option 1 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a better idea. Skip all three options and live a lifestyle that provides you, B and husband with many years of quality living. If you’ve seen, “It’s A Wonderful Life” you’ll understand I can’t get my wings until you succeed. 😉

      Like

  12. Howto$tuffYourPig · · Reply

    Love your sense of humor! I think I will try the handcuffs, but instead of using them on me, I’ll stick them on the refrigerator! 😁

    Like

    1. I write about so many serious topics, I have to incorporate some humor so my readers understand I am human and believe life is more than just focusing on healthy habits.

      Placing those cuffs on the refrigerator just might work! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  13. U have internalized the deep wisdom in Wilde’s remark that life is too important to be taken seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Apparently, the drinking of a 2nd bottle of beer produces an entirely different type of blog posting. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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